I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
