fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
