I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
