Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
