I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
