Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
