It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
