I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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