My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
