i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
