i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
