Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
