The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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