I forgot how hot balto sounded
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
