After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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