she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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