The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
