note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I looked at my own cervix.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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