chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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