i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
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Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
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WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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