Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
