If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
