it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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