Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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