Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
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