haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
