I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I have feelings that need drinking.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
