guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
