i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
