She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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