Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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