So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
