Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
