My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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