If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
