He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
