She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
