Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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