I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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