i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
