you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
