The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
