im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
