I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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