Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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