Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
