My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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