Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
