I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
