maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
