He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
