she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
