Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
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well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
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Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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