when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
