hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
