I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
