Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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