just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
