Who did Billy Mays play for?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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