There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Let's paint friendship bongs
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
