We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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