I'm gonna have a badass scar
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I think I just sharted jello shots
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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