I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
