FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
