I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
