no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
