Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
