You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
