I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
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