I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
