Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
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