how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
