What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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